Medical Details, Now Vaguer Than Ever. Also, Canada and Hockey!

Thinking back to my school days (*sigh*), I recall that I was pretty terrible in all history-related classes. I initially attributed this to my inability to memorize such trivial information as “names,” and “dates,” but now I believe this might be part of a larger problem: I simply cannot, with any reliability, remember the chronological order of events, even when those events are recent, and have occurred in my own life. It should therefore come as no surprise that I have a difficult time retaining major occurrences in others’. This is particularly evident to me now, as I determine what of the past several weeks I should mention in this here entry. Where do I set the Event Importance Filter? I never know with these things.

I’ll start with something that would make the cut regardless: the most important thing that has happened to me lately, measured in terms of the overall life-analysis it inspired and the increase in stress it caused, is that I was very nearly diagnosed with a non-life-threatening, but nonetheless incurable and problematic, disease.

Thankfully, I am completely healthy. There were three intense days, though, of not knowing one way or the other. I feel that if, in some grand spiritual sense, the purpose of this experience was to teach me not to take certain things for granted, well, there must have been some less traumatizing way to go about it. But whatever.

Last week, I went to Toronto. Yes, Toronto! Fifth-most populous city in North America, after Mexico City, NY, LA, and Chicago. Let me tell you: it’s big, it’s filled with fancy new buildings, and folks, it’s just as Canadian as ever. I went up with Ang (pronounced Anjjj, as in Angela), kind of spontaneously, and we basically just walked up and down Yonge Street, which is very long and very hip. I bought the new Flaming Lips album (which I recommend, specifically tracks 1, 2, and 11) at a fantastically labyrinthical record store with giant spinning neon records on its facade, and for slightly less money than it would have cost in the US. I’ve decided that I’d love to live in Toronto, and was seriously bummed to remember that it is in a different country, and as such this would involve massive amounts of paperwork. It’s SO CLOSE! I live a mile from the border. Shouldn’t I be able to choose my country of residence? Also, it’s just slightly exotic! For example, this conversation I had with a waitress:

Me: How big is this beer, roughly?
Waitress: 336 millilitres
Me: ...Oh. Right.

Estimating volume is hard enough for me when not conveyed in such precise numbers. Can we just say “oh, about a pint?” Pints are relatively standard measures of beer, right? Regardless, I was totally charmed.

Another charming thing about Canada is hockey, which we happen to have here in Buffalo as well. In fact, the Sabres are now in round two of the Stanley Cup finals (one of the last four teams standing), and on Saturday, they will begin a best-of-seven series against the Carolina Permafrosts, or something like that. Okay, I’ll admit I do not know the name of the team in Carolina, but evidently the Carolinians don’t either: Sabres sold out their playoff tickets in 15 minutes, thanks to lines of fans at supermarket ticket counters and arena box offices that started a full 24 hours in advance. Carolina still has tickets for sale. Go figure.

After every win last week, cars could be heard honking like a wedding party gone mad, as drunk passengers stuck their torsos fully out of car windows, yelling “SAAABBRRRrrrr...,” to pedestrians as they pass.

One of the peculiarities of playoff hockey, however, is that, at least in this market, it was only covered on Canadian TV, which is available to those with cable or exceptionally strong antennas, neither of which I have. And so, I have spent, and will spend, lots of time in neighborhood bars, standing shoulder to shoulder with jersey-wearing, hockey-stick holding sports fans, eyes glued to a little dot flying around the plasma-screen TV. High fives with strangers when they score, and, depending on where you are, shots all around when they win. Good times. I can, for once, relate to people who really like sports.

So let’s see: clean bill of health, Toronto, Sabres.

That about covers it for now, I think.

... Satisfied, Josh?